mcdonalds, you ignorant motherfuckers.

have you guys heard the new mcdonalds’ radio campaign? in a nutshell, it’s a guy talking about drinking fancy coffee and turning into some horrifying person who *gasp* wears turtlenecks, watches french films, listens to indie rock, and stops taking showers. lucky for him, he discovers mcdonalds’ new line of coffee and elevates back to being awesome, which entails watching football, wearing khakis, and hi-fiving.

i’ll just give you a minute to let that sink in.

way to go mickey d’s, you’ve successfully turned that poor lost soul into a douchebag again. what a close call that was! i mean, french films? that sure as hell ain’t american! more like FREEDOM films, amirite?

die.

i get it. you want to pander to the lowest common denominator b/c that’s your human hierarchal equivalent, but i can’t take this shit. it’s like watching the movie idiocracy play out in real life.

to the guy in the ad: i fucking hate you so much. i’d flip out and threaten to cut your throat, but whatever. you eat at mcdonalds, so you’ll probably die soon anyway.

i’m just going to go ahead and lay blame where it belongs here: toby keith.