ok, fuck those stupid family stickers people put in the back of their cars. i just followed a giant suv down 23rd that happened to be sporting one of those clever cartoons. not “followed” in a creepy way. i just mean it was in front of me. but, hey, that brings up my next point.

scene 1: “hey, jenny! my daughter susie plays softball with amber, remember? how are you? aww, that’s great. hey, can i help you with those groceries…”

scene 2: RAPERAPERAPE.

not so cute now, is it, jenny?

you know what isn’t going to win you points towards that parent of the year award? when creepy guy watches you drop ol benny boy off at band practice, then waits around in his windowless van until he can strike up a conversation about how he works at the vet clinic where you bring fido and plays tennis with dad.

so now you’ve been raped and your child is missing. all b/c you wanted to fit in with the other soccer moms. john will never forgive you for this, jenny. and now he’s going to leave you. he’ll fight for custody, you know, and he’ll win b/c you’re such a mess these days.

did you even remember to feed fido today, jenny, or were you too hopped up on xanax and self pity? your friends at yoga all talk behind your back. they know. come to think of it, when’s the last time you even took joe for a stroll around town? what kind of mother are you?

i hope you’re happy, jenny.